by Shlomo Pacht
At the end of each week, we have been featuring excerpts from Yizkor books in JewishGen's archive. You can find the archive of past Yizkor book excerpts here.
If you are not familiar with the JewishGen Yizkor Book Project, please click on this link. Shtetl life may have reflected simpler times, but as many Yizkor book chapters make clear, there was nothing simple about courtship and marriage. There were a series of intricate steps, from the making of the match to the elaborately choreographed celebration of the event. At play was the would-be bride’s age, the labor of the matchmaker, the negotiation of the dowry, the pedigree of the family, the number of years the groom would be supported by his father-in-law and the house he would be given. Matches could be chewed over by the townspeople at large. Not in the equation was “love” as a deciding factor. Things changed with the times as youth movements brought boys and girls together. “This Event Happened in Lanowitz,” from the Yizkor book of Lanivtsi (Ukraine), attests to those changes with an account of young people who braved the wrath of their parents and took things into their own hands. Shlomo Pacht, the author, met two girls at the Hechalutz (Young Pioneers) clubhouse and fell in love with both the moment he saw them. One of them visited him at his house and when she left, his father asked what she was doing there. “Remember you are a son of a tailor. Find your friends within your class. Do not push yourself into the elite circles,” he said. “They will ridicule you and destroy you.” Her father came one day to the clubhouse, pulled her by the hair, beat her and dragged her home. The mother of the other girl reacted in a similar manner when she came upon the couple at a spring on the outskirts of town, and after beating her, shouted “Better to fall into the arms of a Gentile boy than into the arms of a tailor.” The rest of the story recounts what happened afterward. You can find the book here. A note on the different renderings of town names readers can encounter in Yizkor books. Lanivsti is also known as Lanowitz, Łanowce, Lanovtsy, Lanovtse or Lanivci. The JewishGen Yizkor Book project uses whatever is the modern name in listing its books.
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I met both girls at the local “Hechalutz” clubhouse. Their names were Havaziah and Reisele. I fell in love with both the moment I saw them. I was stunned by the realization that I got to know two of the best choices among the girls of our town. Reisele was beautiful and sensual, while Havaziah was smart and pleasant. One day Reisele came to my house carrying a bag of cherries. I felt hot; blushing I thanked her. We exchanged a few words, and then she left. My father came over to me after she departed and said, “What is Reisele doing in our house? Remember you are a son of a tailor. Find your friends within your class. Do not push yourself into the elite circles. They will ridicule you and destroy you. Be careful when dealing with members of the elite.” His admonition drove us underground. Our meetings were secretive and glowing; our love bloomed. Sometimes I would meet each of them separately, other times I met both together. Both girls wanted to run away from their parents' homes, to escape to a world that had no lineage rules nor strong parental will. In the “Hechalutz “ clubhouse our meetings were quasi-legal. There we were not alone. However, in our feelings we were detached from the other youths of the club. One evening Asher Briliant [Reisele's father] came to the club, pulled Reisele by her hair, beat her, called her disgraceful names and dragged her home. Ziporah A year passed, and we continued to take walks in secret locations. We read a little and dreamed a lot; we tried to mature and find our freedom. The pressure from our parents did not deter us; going underground increased our resolve to continue to develop our relationship until we were redeemed. On a glorious Sabbath morning, Havaziah and I sat alone near the seven springs, far from town. Life felt full of content, and we were at its epicenter. Suddenly an image appeared on the horizon. My heart raced, though I did not know who it was. Havaziah recognized the image, left me and ran toward her mother. Ziporah pulled her daughter's hair, beat her and shouted, “Better to fall into the arms of a Gentile boy than into the arms of a tailor.” The next day Havaziah told me that she received additional beatings at home. This episode was the talk of the town the next day. My father reminded me again that a tailor needs to socialize within his class. I replied that I started to lease land parcels, and to trade in a manner similar to what Shmuel Bachtel had done successfully. My father went to Shmuel Nuskiss, Havaziah's grandfather, asking him to admonish me for my desire to betray my class. Shmuel responded to my father's request in a manner of an objective person dealing with an issue unfamiliar to him, for which he only had a general opinion, “Remain a cobbler and stick to your last.” He said, “You are not the type to be a rich trader. Do not strive high, and be happy with your lot.” The above advice did not help me. I felt comfortable among my good friends Zuniah Rabin and Motil Buchstein. They respected me. While I socialized outside my class, I respected and loved those of my class, especially my hard-working and honest father. The two girls decided to escape from their homes. Reisel told me that in a wardrobe of their home were three jars full of gold, paper-money and jewels. She wanted to steal them and run away. I did not let her do this. Instead I advised her to take along only a sum of money needed for her initial expenses. The two girls left by train for Lvov on the first day of the month of Av [August]. In the letters they left for their parents they stated, “We have no ill feelings towards you. We want to learn a trade. Leave us be and think well of us.” The next day both parents came to my father's house in search of the bandit [me]. They asked my father, “What does he want from our daughters?” My father distanced himself from the affair, claiming that he had no interest in seeing his son marry above his station; he begged them to leave him alone. The girls studied in a girls' school located on Olovek Street 14, Lvov. I used to visit them every Sabbath. The school happened to be located next to the large house of Asher Scheinberg, a doctor from our town. This doctor was a specialist for kidney diseases, who later died in the house next to the sanatorium of Chanah Kesselman, to whom he referred his patients. Ziporah appeared one Sabbath at her daughter's room for the first time. I have no idea how Ziporah discovered her daughter's address. Both girls and I froze in our place when we saw her. There was a moment of silence, and I left the room. Ziporah attacked her daughter in the presence of her friend, shouting, “My father knows his grandfather, a tailor, the son of tailors. How shameful. I prefer to see you marry a convert, but not him.” Reisel returned to her home and married. Havaziah and I continued our relationship for another two years. At the end of that period, as Havaziah was about to finish her trade-school studies, we decided to reveal all to her mother. There was plenty to reveal. Yoske Guberman, our good friend, provided cover for our correspondence. Havaziah addressed all her letters to me “Dear Yosele.” All her needs were arranged by Yoske. Havaziah's mother relented and started to send her money and the items she needed. It was agreed between us to send her mother a letter, in which we informed her that we intended to get married. We further stated that if she did not approve of our decision, we intended to travel to Warsaw, join a Hachsharah {pioneer training] and immigrate to Palestine. In the letter we explained that Havaziah's letters to Yoske were meant for me. It was Yoske's task to wait for the postman to deliver this letter to Ziporah and slowly explain to her the entire complication. Ziporah reconsidered the situation. She suddenly remembered that she herself married a man against the wishes of her parents; that she was against dividing society into more and less fortunate classes. She agreed to our match. We were about to wed when I was called up to serve in the Russian army. As the first recruit from Lanowitz, called to serve in far and dangerous areas, I was accompanied to the railroad station by the entire community including Ziporah. She cried, kissed me like a mother and said, “I like you, I wanted to test you. Do not forget Havaziah. She will not be able to live without the assurance that you remember her.”