Should Jewish Parents Ever Strike Their Children?

Question: Is it ever permissible for a parent to strike a child?

RAMI: The Torah places upon parents the sacred obligation to educate their children in the ways of Torah and mitzvot. However, that responsibility never grants permission for anger, cruelty, or violence. While some historical Halachic sources discuss limited corporal discipline under very specific circumstances, the overwhelming practical guidance for our generation is that a parent should not strike a child.

The Torah commands:

"You shall not place a stumbling block before the blind." (Vayikra 19:14)

The Gemara in Mo'ed Katan (17a) applies this verse in a striking way. It recounts that the maidservant of Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi witnessed a father hitting his older son and declared that the father deserved excommunication. Why? Because by striking a son capable of retaliating—whether physically or verbally—the father was placing a spiritual stumbling block before him, tempting him to commit the grave sin of dishonouring or even striking a parent.

This ruling is codified by the Rambam and by Rabbi Yosef Karo in the Shulchan Aruch. The prohibition is not merely about the physical act; it is about causing another Jew to sin.

Although the Rema discusses an "adult son" in the context of maturity rather than simply reaching Bar Mitzvah, later authorities explain that maturity depends upon the individual child. The Ritva notes that even younger children who may respond disrespectfully should not be placed in such a situation. Every child is different, and Halachah recognises that reality.

The Rambam also discusses teachers disciplining pupils, limiting any physical correction to the lightest possible measure and forbidding harsh or excessive force. Even in those earlier generations, cruelty was never permitted.

Rabbi Ovadia Yosef emphasised an even more important principle: a parent must never discipline a child while angry. Anger clouds judgment, easily leading to excessive force, which is itself a serious transgression. Chazal teach that one who merely raises his hand against another is already called wicked, even before striking.

Many leading authorities of recent generations, among them Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, concluded that in today's world parents should avoid striking children altogether. Experience has shown that physical punishment often produces fear rather than consideration, resentment rather than trust, and emotional distance rather than a love of Torah. A child who feels understood, guided with patience, consistency, and genuine love is far more likely to develop a lifelong relationship with both parents and HaShem.

Discipline remains essential. Boundaries must be firm. Wrong behaviour should have consequences. But Torah discipline is never an excuse for losing one's temper or humiliating a child. Parents are charged with building character, not breaking spirits.

Ultimately, successful Jewish parenting begins not with the strength of one's hand, but with the strength of one's example. Children learn far more from a parent's patience, integrity, compassion, and fear of Heaven than they ever will from physical punishment.

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RAMI Q&A is a regular Jewish Dispatch column addressing questions on Torah, ethics, faith, culture, and the practical challenges of modern life. Each response is grounded in Jewish thought, clarity of reasoning, and fidelity to first principles, offering considered answers rather than opinion or sentiment. To submit a question, email ask@ramibenzeev.org.

Rabbi Rami ben Ze’ev was previously known as Ram ben Ze’ev. The addition of the letter י represents a personal step of spiritual refinement and deeper alignment with Torah, expressing humility, growth, and a strengthened commitment to the service of G-D. All teachings and writings are now published under this name.