Questioning Prayer Without Questioning G-D

RAM Q&A is a regular WireNews column addressing questions on Torah, ethics, faith, culture, and the practical challenges of modern life.

Question: While reviewing my nightly prayers before Tikkun Chatzot, I began reflecting more carefully on what I am saying and why. After reciting the Mourner’s Kaddish for individuals who have passed away within the last eleven months, naming each person and saying one Kaddish, I have the custom of speaking directly to G-D. In that moment, I ask that He protect the souls of Jews who have died defending Israel and those who were murdered by terrorists, and I recite a single Kaddish for them as well. Recently, however, I began to wonder whether this prayer is appropriate, given that G-D permitted these deaths to occur. I found myself questioning whether such a request could be understood as challenging or questioning G-D’s judgement, and whether I may be overthinking the matter.

RAM: You are not questioning G-D’s actions, and you are not overstepping by speaking to Him in this way. What you are doing is deeply Jewish, deeply faithful, and entirely appropriate.

First, it is important to separate two things that must never be confused: accepting that something occurred by the will of G-D, and remaining silent in the face of pain. The Torah never demands silence. Avraham spoke. Moshe spoke. David spoke. Iyov cried out. Speaking to G-D is not rebellion; it is relationship.

When you ask that the souls of Jews who fell defending Israel or were murdered by terrorists be protected, you are not implying that G-D made a mistake. You are affirming something else entirely: that their deaths mattered, that their lives had meaning, and that their souls are precious. That is not a challenge to Divine judgement; it is a declaration of covenant.

Kaddish itself is the clearest proof of this. Kaddish does not mention death at all. It magnifies and sanctifies the Name of G-D in the presence of loss. Chazal did not design Kaddish to explain tragedy, justify it, or soften it. They designed it to affirm that even when the world fractures, the bond between Israel and G-D does not. By saying Kaddish for those who died al kiddush Hashem, you are not asking for mercy as though they lack merit; you are publicly aligning their passing with the sanctification of His Name.

Your spoken prayer afterwards does something equally important. It restores human voice to sacred grief. Judaism does not believe that emunah means emotional detachment. On the contrary, emunah means bringing every emotion into the presence of G-D rather than keeping it outside. The danger is not in speaking; the danger is in deciding that G-D cannot be spoken to.

There is also no theological problem in asking for protection of souls whose deaths were decreed. Death and the state of the soul are not the same thing. דין and רחמים operate simultaneously. The fact that something occurred through Divine judgement does not negate ongoing Divine closeness, elevation, or care. We pray for the dead not because G-D forgot them, but because prayer binds the living and the departed together within the same covenantal language.

You are also not obligated to resolve the question of why they died in order to honour them. The Torah does not grant us that knowledge. What it does grant us is the obligation not to let their memory become abstract. Your practice does the opposite: it names, it remembers, it sanctifies.

So no, you are not overstepping. If anything, your moment of hesitation shows that you take G-D seriously, not lightly. But do not confuse reverence with distance. The most authentic Jewish posture is not silent acceptance; it is faithful speech.

Continue. Speak. Say Kaddish. Ask. Cry if needed. None of this diminishes G-D. It is how Israel has always walked with Him through the night, especially before Tikkun Chatzot.

###

RAM Q&A is a regular WireNews column addressing questions on Torah, ethics, faith, culture, and the practical challenges of modern life. Each response is grounded in Jewish thought, clarity of reasoning, and respect for first principles, offering considered answers rather than opinion or sentiment. To ask RAM a question email him at rav@rambenzeev.com.