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Guiding with Wisdom and Compassion

by Ram ben Ze’ev


Guiding with Wisdom and Compassion
Guiding with Wisdom and Compassion

The Torah commands us, הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך ולא תשא עליו חטא (hokheah tokhiaḥ et amitekha velo tisa alav ḥet — “You shall surely rebuke your fellow and do not bear sin because of him”; ויקרא (Vayikra) 19:17).


This is not a mere suggestion but a mitzvah that obligates one who sees a fellow Jew transgressing to guide him back to the right path. Yet the same verse hints at the manner of doing so — that our rebuke must not lead us into sin ourselves, whether through anger, humiliation, or causing further estrangement.



Halakah explains that the purpose of rebuke is teshuvah (repentance), to awaken the other to self-reflection and return. The rebuke must therefore be delivered in a way that the recipient can accept. To shame, to shout, or to wound is to defeat the purpose; instead, one must approach with sincerity and calm, seeking to plant seeds of awareness. For example, if one notices a fellow Jew treating a matter lightly — such as disregarding the sanctity of the Amida — it is often more effective to speak later, in private, and with humility: “I was learning recently, and I came across something that might interest you…” This gives the other person the space to hear without defence, and to respond without humiliation.


Shlomo HaMelekh writes in משלי (Mishlei) 9:8, “Do not rebuke a scorner, lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.” The Holy Zohar explains that true rebuke is only possible toward one who retains the spark of achva (brotherhood) within — someone who is still bound to the covenant. Those who mock Torah openly or persist in willful rebellion have, for the moment, removed themselves from that fellowship. For them, rebuke will not be heard; instead, it will deepen their resistance. Mishlei 23:9 warns, “Do not speak in the ears of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words.”



Tanya teaches that the divine soul in every Jew is sometimes so concealed beneath layers of self-interest and material attachment that a harsh word only drives it deeper into hiding. The Alter Rebbe emphasises that our role is to draw our fellow close, awakening the hidden love for G-D within them. Even when we oppose their actions, we must still love their essence, for it is a part of G-D above. A gentle approach can uncover that essence, whereas anger often seals it away.


This does not mean ignoring wrongdoing. The mitzvah remains — but it must be carried out in a way that reflects rachamim (compassion). If one’s words cannot be heard, sometimes the most powerful rebuke is not words at all but the silent example of consistent, joyful Torah observance.


The Holy Zohar likens this to a shepherd guiding a lost sheep: if he shouts and strikes, the sheep may scatter farther; but if he approaches slowly, calling with a familiar voice, the sheep will return on its own. Likewise, our tone and manner are not incidental — they are central to fulfilling the mitzvah.



In our time, this is especially true with Jews who were never taught the beauty of Shabbat, kashrut, or tefillah. Screaming at them in the street will not inspire teshuvah — it will only deepen division. Instead, kindness, patience, and the warmth of true ahavat Yisrael (love for a fellow Jew) are the tools of success.


Modern Day Application

In a world of social media outrage and public shaming, the mitzvah of rebuke demands even greater sensitivity. To correct in public is often to humiliate — and humiliation is likened by our sages to spilling blood. The Torah’s way is to take the person aside, to speak from the heart, and to connect the rebuke to their dignity and potential. In the workplace, in the community, and even within the family, this approach transforms criticism into an act of care.


Reflection

Rebuking a fellow Jew is not a licence to vent frustration; it is a sacred responsibility to guard both their soul and ours. If we speak with love, with patience, and with the desire to uplift, our words can become vessels of light. If we speak with anger, even if our content is correct, we may darken the very soul we wish to illuminate. May we learn to rebuke as the Torah intends — with wisdom, compassion, and a heart that seeks only to bring another closer to G-D.


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